Well happy Joe Turrent and I’s collaboration is now up on the brilliant Hotel Magazine. It contains my obituary, in alternative reality https://partisanhotel.co.uk/SJ-Fowler-Joe-Turrent

PENIS-EATING LOUSE

The penis-eating louse enters male humans, typically aged 18-39, through the anus. It severs the blood vessels in the prostate gland, causing the erectile tissue to fall off. It then attaches itself to the remaining stub of the penis and extracts blood through the claws on its front [clarification needed] causing the penis to atrophy from lack of blood. The parasite then replaces the penis by attaching its own body to the pubic bone. It appears that the parasite does not cause much other damage to the host, but it has been reported by Lanzing and O’Connor (2074) that infested men with two or more of the parasites are usually underweight. Once the parasite replaces the penis, some feed on the host's blood and many others feed on human mucus.

This is the only known case of a parasite assumed to be functionally replacing a host organ. When a host male dies, the louse will detach itself from the pubic bone after some time, leave the male’s crotch, and can then be seen clinging to its head or body externally. It is not fully known what then happens to the parasite in the wild.